Why the guilt with self-care?

Uncategorized Mar 11, 2021

 

Why do we as moms experience guilt around self-care?

This week I had an acupuncture appointment that I almost canceled. 

I felt guilty for taking more time away from my kids. 

Guilty for putting more of a load on my husband as he was teleworking and watching the kids. 

So as I reached for the phone I asked myself why is it not ok for me to go?

Would it help me? YES! 

Do I need it? Need as in life-saving no, but need it as in it would make me feel better in my body? YES!

Do I value it? YES!

Then why the guilt?

I felt selfish. 

There were so many other things I could be doing with my time. I could be enjoying my kids, cleaning the house, taking pressure off my husband, but I was spending time on me. 

I started to wonder when it became not ok to spend time on me?

Before kids, I booked regular massages and chiropractic appointments. I did facials and regularly exercised at the gym. 

Why as a mom had this become so hard?

There are...

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When the "I'm Not Enough's" hit

Uncategorized Feb 22, 2021

Hey there, 

Have you ever had something really awesome happen to you, but then hits this feeling of dread and you want to climb into a little hole?

That's the I'm not enough's. I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, I'm not organized enough.

If your "I'm not enough" is around something you did publicly it may be accompanied by thinking others will say "Who does she think she is?!" or "She's getting too big for her britches!" or something similar. 

I got hit with a wave of the I'm not enough's last Friday. 

I've had some really amazing opportunities lately. I was interviewed on two separate podcasts, I'm part of a Women's Wellness Summit, and I had the opportunity to teach an Advanced Postpartum Trauma Course with Lynn Schulte from the Insitute for Birth Healing. 

I have been so excited to be able to share a message of hope and healing with more women. 

Well, Friday Lynn Schulte sent out a...

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Creating Goals that Work

Uncategorized Jan 04, 2021

Happy New Year!

New Year is often the time to create plans for the coming year, make goals, or new year's resolutions. We often start out strong with big goals and then start slipping on follow-through by the end of January. I’ve been there and felt that feeling of failure when I lost motivation and just couldn’t reach that goal.

 

Meeting your goals has nothing to do with your determination or strength. You can still be a strong badass woman and not meet your goals again and again.

 

It has everything to do with the why.

It has everything to do with feeling aligned with the goal.

It has everything to do with how the goal makes you feel.

It has everything to do with healing the past hurts.

 

I invite you to shift how you look at your goals this year. Often the things we are struggling with like our weight are actually meeting our needs in some way. I know it seems counterintuitive. 

 

Why would something we are struggling with actually be helping...

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Holiday Happiness

Uncategorized Dec 23, 2020

Holidays can be a fun and stressful time, especially for moms. We juggle it all and work hard to make it magical for our families. 

As a kid, I remember my mom busy the whole day. She bustled getting breakfast, gathering wrapping paper, keeping lists of who gave what for thank you cards, and juggling dinner. She made a magical day for us, but a busy day for her.

As a mom, I now know she also bought and wrapped all the presents including her own, sent Christmas cards, decorated the whole house, donated gifts, and planned and bought all we needed for presents and special meals. 

I've done the same, and while I love getting everything ready and creating a magical day I have realized I miss out on some of my favorite things because I was too busy. 

As women, we are the tradition keepers. We bring traditions from the generations before us. We choose what to continue and what to let go of. It is an important job but can feel heavy.

It can feel even...

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Choosing Joy & Giving Yourself Permission to Recharge

Uncategorized Dec 17, 2020

At the beginning of the month, I took a bit of a break. I have been allowing myself to recharge and refocus. 

 

It’s hard in our world to take a step back. Step out of the rat race of musts and shoulds. To give permission to protect our energy. 

 

Fall has always been that time for me, but this is the first year I allowed myself that time. 

 

Now, this was not a vacation. I still saw clients and did many of my regular to-dos, but not all. I looked at what was draining my energy and what brought me joy. 

 

Emails and social media rose to the top of the draining my energy list. Family time, time in nature and time with clients and members brought me joy. So I pulled my energy back in closer and focused on those areas. 

 

It wasn’t easy as I still felt the list of “shoulds.” But as I kept giving myself permission to choose the things that brought joy, my energy and creativity increased. That’s where the...

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Finish the story

Uncategorized Oct 11, 2020

Hello lovely,

One of the biggest fears I hear is “If I allow myself to cry I will never stop.”

I understand that fear, but… 

you knew there was a but coming.

I promise it won’t last forever. Remember how I talked about movement is the key to releasing the trauma?

It’s the key here too. We are not just opening the flood gates and leaving you hanging. We are not leaving you to drown in the grief and tears.

We are rewriting the story and finishing it with you in control. That’s what makes the tears stop.

The story ends.

Your body finishes the cycle and you look back on the story as just that, a story that happened, but no longer has control over you.

That’s freeing.

When the story ends the pain ends. The haunting memories end. You are free.

It’s not easy facing all the deep shit, but oh is it worth it. Yep, I’ve done this work too. I’ve dug deep. I’ve cried in front of strangers. I still do this deep shit work....

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Intimacy after baby

Uncategorized Oct 11, 2020

 Sex.

It used to be fun, but since having a baby it’s more of a stress. It’s not comfortable. You just are not that into it anymore. And you're wondering why.

We are all wired to have an accelerator and a brake when it comes to arousal. We tend to focus on the accelerator way more than our brakes.

Let’s focus on the brake, because that’s the biggest issue for moms.

There are two sexual brakes.

  1. Safety- if you don’t feel safe with the person, place, or situation you will feel a big brake. This is like the foot brake on a car. Once you hit this brake you are not going anywhere.
  2. Worries and stress- This is like the parking brake. You can still go, but you're not getting anywhere fast or efficiently.

 

So what impacts the second brake? All of our mom worries. Not feeling sexy. Worrying about how we look. Worrying about pain. Feeling rushed. Listening for the baby. Stressing because there is so much to do like the dishes, laundry and other daily...

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Birthday Blues

Uncategorized Oct 11, 2020

This week we celebrated my son's third birthday. A friend asked me does his birthday bring up negative emotions?

My answer was no. My son's birthday is not a struggle, but my daughter's birthday used to be. 

Birthdays should be a day of celebration, but sometimes for moms, they are reminders of the difficult birth that brought that child into the world.

We too often never have the opportunity to really process all that happened to us during our child's birth. It can all happen in a whirlwind and then we are given this amazing and demanding little being. Our focus shifts to caring for our newborn and we never fully allow ourselves to heal emotionally from the birth.

 After the birth, we may replay parts of our birth experience over and over. We may want to tell the story to anyone who will listen. We may have parts of the story we do not remember. Or we may completely avoid the story because it is too emotional. 

When we say we had a difficult birth we are often...

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