Happy New Year!
New Year is often the time to create plans for the coming year, make goals, or new year's resolutions. We often start out strong with big goals and then start slipping on follow-through by the end of January. I’ve been there and felt that feeling of failure when I lost motivation and just couldn’t reach that goal.
Meeting your goals has nothing to do with your determination or strength. You can still be a strong badass woman and not meet your goals again and again.
It has everything to do with the why.
It has everything to do with feeling aligned with the goal.
It has everything to do with how the goal makes you feel.
It has everything to do with healing the past hurts.
I invite you to shift how you look at your goals this year. Often the things we are struggling with like our weight are actually meeting our needs in some way. I know it seems counterintuitive.
Why would something we are struggling with actually be helping us? Keep with me and I will explain.
Our brains naturally want to keep us safe. Ever see the movie The Croods? The dad is constantly saying "change is bad" and "new is bad". Your brain is still like this. It wants to keep you right where you are because it knows you are safe. So when we are trying to make our new resolutions we are often fighting our deep need to keep the same.
Let’s look at your resolutions and see if your struggles are serving you in some way. Knowing there are underlying unmet needs beneath the struggle can help you make a plan that will let you succeed. Take each one of your goals through the following questions.
How does the behavior I am looking to change serve me or keep me safe? (overeating, not exercising, ignoring my own needs, not being present with my kids, I get more sleep, etc.)
i.e Eating late-night snacks keep me from having to feel the lonely feelings.
Finding the WHY behind your behavior can help you meet your underlying needs so you can reach your goal.
List out all the reasons it’s good for you to stay right where you are. (I don’t have to feel old hurts. I don’t have to feel alone. I don’t have to have a special meal plan for me. I can eat whatever I want. I don’t have to buy new clothes. I'm safe.)
This list is what will keep you from reaching your goals. These are your roadblocks. Your brain keeping you safe. Addressing these underlying needs and thoughts will help you meet your goal without even having to fully focus on your goal.
i.e. If you no longer need to eat late at night to fill an emotional void the weight can easily fall off without big diet changes.
Does this goal feel aligned and make me happy?
We often write our goals in a way that puts us down or makes us feel bad. This makes us feel unsafe every time we read them.
Can you rewrite the goal in a way that makes you feel good? You are more likely to reach a goal that makes you feel good than a goal that makes you feel unhappy.
Finally, why is this goal important to me?
Is this going to make me happier or help me improve my life or is this goal to meet someone else’s wants? Write out your why and keep coming back to your why until you’ve met your goals.
i.e. I have lots of energy and easily move my body to play with my kids.
You now have a goal that makes you happy, your WHY, and potential roadblocks that will keep you from reaching your goal.
Your next step to success is healing and releasing those roadblocks. These roadblocks can be unmet needs or childhood beliefs about you.
You absolutely can release your own blocks, but if you want help unlocking your roadblocks I’m here to help. Sometimes a guide who can ask the right questions can get to the deep beliefs you can't even see.
Lots of love,